L[(i)dga(f)]e

A little bit of valium for back pain and a medium caffeine (courtesy of work) is all it took to get me back on here.

For anyone that knows me, knows that I cannot handle a medium coffee, but also cannot deny a free coffee so here I am heart pounding and sweaty palms.

I just had to get on here because my brain has been on fast forward 32x it feels. I’m sure this isn’t impacted at all by the fact that I am (im)patiently waiting for little man to arrive.

I just can’t quit thinking about life.

Life.

Existence.

What.Is.It?!?!?!

I still haven’t got any closer to that answer, but what I am currently reminded of is that one day it will come to an end. I was in the shops last night as it is being renovated and I was reminded of running into my old footy manager who is celebrating life above now. I was on the way to work this morning and reminded of my hoodrat who has been blasting tunes down on me for the past few years. I’ve been waking up with tears dried to my face from excitement of returning home in three months, but also grieving the people who will no longer be there that once greeted me upon my return.

It will end.

So what about now?

I walked with my coworkers to the coffee shop this morning, sat down at the bar, and read the city mag as we waited for our happiness in a cup.

Nearing the end of the magazine there’s an article about how Adelaide Fringe (Australia’s largest arts festival) allows people to be themselves, specifically in regards to their sexual expression. It was a fascinating article. It touches on a range of different types of sexualities and relationships and how the festival creates a safe space for people to explore the curiosities of their world.

I won’t go into specifics because I know some of yall can’t handle that kind of spice in your life, but regardless it reminded me to really just not give a fuck.

People out here challenging society with their relationships and identities and some of yall still scared to sing in the shower.

Let loose.

Be that person smiling on the sidewalk as you pass by, singing into the cucumber at the grocery store, shaking the car from your dance moves.

Don’t be rigid.

Get creative.