Ch(allenge)ildhood

It’s not that I forgot how much I love writing, it’s more so that I stopped allowing time for it. Here’s to making it more a priority… mainly because I just know that when I am soon sleep deprived this shall get very interesting.

I can’t wait to see how life changes, thoughts begin to morph, and life becomes even more meaningful.

Today is really all about challenging yourself, like I am challenging myself to write more.

This challenge though is more specific.

I don’t want the challenge that you have been thinking about every New Year’s and still haven’t accomplished. I want you to think about that thing you loved doing as a kid and never do anymore.

That’s writing for me.

I remember when I was living in Wellington with my sister, I had just went through a shit break up, feeling broken and lost. I really didn’t know who I was. I had graduated from school and fled the country.

I went from having such a strong identity for the past 8+ years to putting myself in a place where no one knew me. Being a college student-athlete surrounded by my best friends for four years straight, not needing to worry too much about life or bills. I spent summers overseas exploring the world and focusing on fitness to prepare for the next season. I knew who I was and I knew what I needed to do. I was an athlete, I needed to workout, I needed to perform, and occasionally attend class (kidding). I always attended class.

Now here I am, in Wellington, splitting from the only person that knew where I was coming from except for my sister and brother in law.

No longer a college athlete, the only place I needed to perform was at work, and bills were now a thing. Who the heck I am and what the heck am I going to do with life? When did this all get so complicated?

My job was fine, but it wasn’t challenging and I didn’t feel like I needed my degree to hold the position. What am I working for? What am I trying to get better at?

Back to the café with the sis we go because who is better at a pep talk than her.

I’ll never forget she just asked plain and simple, what did you enjoy doing as a kid? I remember looking at her almost in frustration. In my head I’m thinking, wtf are you talking about? I am 22 years old, just went through a breakup, and you are asking me about my childhood.

She went on to explain that she was recently talking to a mate and they started discussing about how society shapes us and we lose ourselves at a young age. We get encouraged to do things that we are good at regardless of if we enjoy them or not. Things that we enjoy, we aren’t always good at so we slowly stop doing them because the world tells us to focus on other things.

That is when I remembered I loved writing as a kid.

I used to go all in at our school writing competitions and making up some random ass stuff. A sense of accomplishment. A way to get my thoughts out on paper. A way to have a finished product.

That is where this blog was created.

Me bringing back my inner child.

Reasons why sometimes this blog is focused and other times people probably wonder why I would expose myself like that, with the incoherent, random thought process.

The point is, what did you enjoy doing that you were told you were no good at or age caught up with you and you stopped prioritizing?

Bring that back.

[P.S. I can see that some people like my blogs, but I can’t actually see who you are.. so whoever yall are. Thanks, you’re awesome.]