H(e)ar(t)dHeaded

Some say I'm extremely hard-headed, I'd like to think that I'm just following my heart. That is what they tell you to do after all, isn't it?

Is there a fine line? Where is that line? I need to know.

Where exactly does the line get drawn between being hard-headed and not wanting to give up?

I'm talking in multiple facets of life, love, sports, work, hobbies, anything.

Tell me I can't do something and I'm going to prove you wrong. I might not get it on the first or second go, but I can bet ya I'll figure it out without giving up. Is that being hard-headed?

Sometimes, I say yes.

For me, I find it difficult because these last few years I have really focused on myself (wahlah appeared my blog, one of the outcomes), trying to figure out who I am, what I stand for, what I enjoy outside of sport, what makes me me. Over the years through myself and others I've come to find that I'm very driven by what I believe in and what my heart desires.

I like to think I listen with an open ear, but if there is something I want to do that I really believe in, good luck changing my mind. I try to rationalise with myself, with others, over numerous hours and days trying to convince myself of doing something different than what I initially intended on doing. To date, I can recall zero times that I have successfully changed my mind on what I was going to do.

Some may see this as good and I think a lot of times it is; it feels good to know what I want and I what I believe in. On the contrary some things drag on when they just need to be cut off.

How do you begin to make this balance?

How can you try and take what is in your heart and place it to the side? Sounds dreary and a bit unnecessary, but I'm talking about when in your head you know you're better off without it.

Almost like trying to depict what is love and what is lust.

If something can hold such great value and passion in your heart, but at the same time be so toxic for you, where do you go?

Why must there be different expectations depending on the medium?

If someone gets injured at sport, you tell them not to play even though they think they can. At work someone hates their job, you tell them to stick with it because it's their livelihood? Imagine if the person's hate for their job came out like a physical injury, would you tell them to keep it then?

We're more amp to stick with something we hate that makes an income and give up something that we love because there's no monetary value to it and often the results cannot be physically seen.

We don't prioritise capital on our mental health.

Have a bad day, have bad thoughts? We blame ourselves, we internalise it, we don't speak to others about it. People turn a blind eye.

Get in an accident, drop a glass at work, see a fight. We look to help, how can I contribute, what's the dangers? People rush to your side.

I realise that I am pushing the extremes, but I feel as if majority of the population falls within those boundaries especially when it comes to dealing with people that we may not be as familiar with or do not know.

Humorously, when I try to relate this to my 'hard-headedness' I imagine a big boulder. Who in their right mind would try to move that? Is this something that needs to be moved? What are the barriers keeping me from moving it? Where am I trying to move it to or am I trying to break it down?

If my head is being led by my heart how can I physicalise that? I imagine it to be much like the dog vs owner analogy. Is the dog walking the owner or the owner walking the dog? Is my heart pulling me astray or am I leading my heart?

Today, I don't have a lot of answers, I'm not really sure.

Of course since I am deemed to be hard-headed, I'm sitting here like 'being hard-headed isn't even a bad thing.' I know there are some cons, but hey we will get there.

I guess through writing all of this, putting my hard-headedness to the side, I just want people to think more about their mental health in terms of physical signs and symptoms.

If someone was to break their foot, you wouldn't tell them to get up and walk on it so if someone seems to be struggling, don't disregard their feelings and expect things that use to be natural to them come as easy over the next few days.

I know my heart leads me, but that's just who am I. It may take me time to reach outcomes that I could foresee ages ago, but how I get there is up to me.

Don't let anyone try to change who you are and be mindful of others around. If you see someone struggling, talk about it. Imagine the physical symptom and how you would address it.

You wouldn't walk by a person who is bleeding out.

Talk about it.

Who knows, maybe even be a little heart-headed...