(Ad)b[u(i)lt](ing)

Believe it or not I am actually in the process of writing a much more meaningful blog that actually has some depth and thought provoking points in it, but right now I’m in one of those moods. One of those moods where all I have to say is one word and most of the world can understand.

Can anyone guess what it is? Anyone?

….

Adulting…

Freaking adulting man.

Life isn’t even hard, but it is doing my head in. Hence why I find myself, back here, writing it all out for some sort of peace and calm. Maybe I think that if I get it all out then it kind of doesn’t exist because if I am writing it down then I must be processing it to an extent? Hopefully I come up with all of the answers or writing it down will make it magically disappear out of my mind.

May be difficult though as I’m trying to hit that moment of zen in my room with all the right vibes going except I can hear my crazy puppy destroying the house so there’s some nice nature sounds and then “RUDI, RUDI, RUDI, NO RUDI.’ This current moment is a great representation of my head right now.

Trying so hard to hit the feel goods, but then there’s all of the other bits that just sit there screaming at you. How annoying aye? So many thing going right, but we allow ourselves to have one little thing go wrong and then suddenly our lives seem to be no good at the moment.

I know I’m guilty of that right now. Got a job, loving fam, house, car, some hobbies, every reason in the world to be grateful for what I have because I know the life I am living is much greater than any life I ever dreamed of as a kid.

Instead, I sit with myself annoyed because I decided to move countries and can’t be bothered with the stress of figuring out how I am going to stay in the country longer. Annoyed at the fact, that I tried to do the right thing, and buy health insurance but of course the thing I want to go to the doctor for isn’t covered. <— Caps lock adulting on that one, am I right?

Seriously though, all the right intentions, but it just seems like there’s always that piece missing that just makes me annoyed at my decisions.

To be fair, I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the thing I hate most, but have been spending the most time on.. for those who have read any of my posts then you know it’s good ole social media and technology. The more time I spend on these great devices the more I judge, compare, think, just everything that will send someone down a black whole.

I wouldn’t even say that I am comparing myself to others, it’s more so trying to keep up with the media, reading all of the terrible headlines, and then spending too much time doing futuristic thinking. I’m good at living in the now, staying positive, and just taking things as they are, but lately I don’t think I have been doing that.

Finding yourself in a new country and having people ask you about your long term plans will do your head in real quick because I’m still trying to figure out how I’m going to be in the country tomorrow. Adulting comes in and I start saying to myself, eh you are getting older, contract jobs aren’t all that especially when it is work you aren’t passionate about, and people seem to be harder and harder to crack. Part of you all of a sudden wants to revert back to the old easy ways. Go back to what you know, go back to the country where you already have friends and have spent the last few years building relationships with, go back to the place where a visa doesn’t matter anymore.

It is then that I have to remind myself why I came. I didn’t come so that it would be easy. If it was easy, I wouldn’t be growing. If it was easy, everybody would be doing it. If it was easy, everyone would be sharing in my experience.

I don’t want the easy. I don’t want what everybody else has. I am happy with what I have and where I am. I am happy to do the jobs I don’t care about so that I can experience different cultures and ways of living.

I don’t live to work. I don’t live to continue doing the same thing every single day. I don’t live for easy.

I live for a challenge. I live to be the difference, the difficult. I live so that when I die I know that I pushed myself to continuously grow and challenge my own thinking.

I mean dang, I bought my dog insurance before myself so I should just be proud of the fact that I actually bought insurance at all. I should be proud of the fact that I no longer walk 45 minute to work. I should be proud that no matter what I do I try to listen. Listen to myself, to others, to those who aren’t even speaking to me.

At the end of the day, I’m trying to better myself. Whether that be physically, mentally, socially, it doesn’t matter. I suppose adulting could be easy if I wanted it to be, if I wanted to be like everybody else, but I don’t want to be.

I’m going to keep pushing the boundaries, annoying the hell out of myself, and making the most out of this whole adulting thing since I get the chance to. Not everybody’s path is the same nor should it be.

We don’t really get a choice if we want to adult or not. What we do get a choice at is how we adult. We can choose what we do with our time. We can choose what we decide to fill our minds with. Those decisions will impact the way we think and grow. Not every day is going to be easy so some days we may need to go down that black whole and maybe that black whole is giving our brains a time out to create something beautiful with the next day. Just make sure not to get stuck.

Use what we have and our experiences to make the next day better. better in terms for you, not anyone else. Use the experiences and build.

Building takes many shapes and forms. Some days you may be using the bricks and building a foundation for life. Other days you may be cementing, filling the holes, or adding an extra layer. Just make sure to build, build up, build wide, build far.

As always, build, but build for you.

Be you. Build you.