Streng(row)th

Mamma mia, here I go again, my my, how could I (ever stop). Pretty easily, I’d say. Could go for a nice big milkshake or a fat nap. Here I am, pushing myself to keep going. They say no matter how much money we have we all have the same 24 hours in the day and successful people don’t waste the hours so perhaps the nap will just have to wait for another day. How long can I hold it off, doesn’t matter, just need to focus on today.

I’m happy that I am keeping up with my writing like I said I would a week ago, but like I said that was only a week ago. Need to keep pushing so that I can make it a habit. I can feel my mind more at ease when I go to fall asleep since I have had my thoughts and put them on paper, but I need to focus more on my course as I am still lacking in the feeling of achievement and up-skilling myself.

Balance. Perhaps maybe that’s the ultimate thing I need to master. Seems as if I always push myself hard in one direction which causes my to lack in the other areas. Shouldn’t be that difficult as my focuses are health and wellbeing, something I enjoy (writing), and something that is going to make me better (Innovation course). In the grand scheme of things all of those things combined should only take 5-6 hours of my day so what the heck am I doing.

Why does it seem like a struggle to get all three done in one day when I essentially am awake for 14-16 hours of the day. When I put it like that I really don’t know what the heck I am doing. Spending so much energy in a lot of other things that aren’t as important to me and give me no sense of purpose. I suppose I am using my water bucket to water seeds that aren’t actually going to blossom for me so maybe I need to reallocate my water distribution so I can use it a bit more effectively.

What do I want my seed to be though? Health and wellness should be my way of life, writing is what helps me think clearly and eases my mind, and the course is to help build my skills and further my knowledge. What am I trying to use those for though? If you have read any of my other blogs I’m sure you would have picked up that, that is what I am really trying to figure out here.

The other day I re-visited my strengths. At first I tried to write down my skills, my strengths, and my energies (what gives me energy). I wouldn’t say I struggled, but it was more difficult than I thought to think about what I am good at and then also trying to differ from what is more innate as a strength in me and what I am good at that I have learned over the years. As you can see, I don’t use big words so my descriptives were very basic. I wrote down things like ideas, creative, thinker, good listener, just basic things. Funnily enough that very same day I opened my laptop and as I was organising my desktop I came across Gallup’s strength finders results that I had taken two years ago. Eager to see what it said, I opened it up.

Competitor. Achiever. Adaptability. Futuristic. Restorative. I laughed. It reminded me of the time where one on my old manager’s told me that maybe I struggle when describing myself because things that come naturally for me I don’t think of them as strengths since I feel as if they are natural for everyone. Out of all of the things I had written on my own piece of paper somehow I completely thought of competitor. Whaaaaat. That’s who I am, that’s what keeps me going, that’s what wakes me up. When I was training hard at sports I would hate the thought of someone else training harder than me and could never understand the people that cut their reps. I know I had some rough days in the gym, but it makes no sense to me why people participate in a sport to come to practice and not give it their all. Why would you choose to spend your time somewhere where you are not going to be giving it your best?

I guess that is what I bring to the professional world as well. Whatever I am doing for a job, I want to be the best at it, I don’t care what the person did before me or how they did because I’m going to do what works for me to achieve results. Some companies try to shy away from the term competitive because it can seem aggressive or negativity arises. There is certainly negative competition in businesses that is not healthy for employees nor the company, but their is also friendly competition. My type of competition is typically with myself and the people around me don’t actually know that I am competing with them it is just the way I function. I have to keep it fun somehow!

Off my tangent though as I’m sure most people understand the rest of the terms used above to describe my strengths. What I was trying to get at was that some of the terms that came out in the test I took very much describe me, but I have never thought of them to describe myself. It’s important to remind ourselves of these things because we are naturally good at them and they can help up describe the way we work and act to future employers.

Sometimes if you feel lost reminding yourself of your strengths can go a long way because they can help guide you in finding a place to get started. The more I push, the more I write, the more I listen, the more I can feel myself getting closer to that seed.

Bring on the rain, I can use the extra water. Bring on the wind, I’ll find out if I’m planted in the right spot. Bring on the sun, I’m ready to shine! The seed is planted, I am just unsure what is going to grow from it.