F(or)≤(ail)word

As you could imagine, all good things come to an end. Kidding, it is not that daunting. I’m just saying that the energy and motivation that I had last week isn’t exactly there this week. Granted it is just Monday and I feel like the week could continuously boost me, but this morning I wasn’t feeling it. HOWEVER, I am happy to say that I still freaking crushed it today!

Got my ass up out of bed, put on my runners, and hit the gym. I was looking for every excuse not to run 5k because I really wasn’t feeling it and didn’t sleep well. Once again I prevailed, but with the help of football in a round about way. Luckily, the Rams vs Steelers game was on so I popped that on my treadmill screen and started watching it. I was getting tired so minimised the screen to see how far I had made it. I was only at 2.3k. I felt defeated. I felt the chocolate I had been eating. I felt the wine still swirling around in my stomach I felt the delicious French Toast that was covered in syrup. I felt it all and because I felt it, I knew that I had only done this to myself. For that, I knew that I must continue.

I tried to shortcut it and told myself that I was just proud of myself for being there today and proud that I had decided to keep going even though I really didn’t want to so I said you know what I’m going over 2.5k and it is going to be halftime soon so I’ll meet myself in the middle and stop once it is halftime. I mean there was only 3.00 minutes left in the second quarter. HA. Anybody that watches football knows that 3.00 minutes is at least 15 minutes. Needless to say I ended up running over 5k.

I punished myself slightly because I knew that I was trying to find a way out and since I had changed the new goal to halftime, instead of 5k then I needed to stick with it regardless the distance I had already ran. Once halftime finally arrived, I could finally end the run at 5.3k.

The thing is for me and running, I never enjoy getting started and I certainly hate the midway point because I am typically already feeling like I’m dead and think how the heck am I suppose to do that all over again. What I do like about it though is that running shows me how much of a mental game is played and that you can push yourself much further than you think you can go. For me, 2.5k is the worse, but once I make it to anything over 3.5k I have all the faith in the world that I’m going to finish the run because I know that I’m so close to the finish.

That’s the reality for me. I set myself up to finish at halftime not because I think I actually would have stopped then had I not been at 5k, but because it allowed my mind to focus on something else other than that 1k in between that drains the life out of me. I knew that when halftime came I’d be over the 3.5k mark which meant I would finish. Since the game decided to do what all football games do and drag on, I thought what better way then to push myself and pretend I’m on that field with the players exhausted.I didn’t know how far I had ran when halftime was approaching as I had the game on full, but I knew that until the clock hit :00 I needed to keep running.

In my life the word ‘start’ has kept appearing. At my old job, one of the Deputy Secretaries would always say start by starting and recently on my podcast they quoted ‘You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.’ Just like with the gym and how they say the hardest part is getting there. I believe in the quotes and they have helped me to get going, but for me it’s about what keeps me going. What is it that I wake up for everyday so on days like today where I had no reason that I needed to be up to go to the gym, that I still did it?

I think it is that when we believe in ourselves and what we want to achieve that there’s nothing that can stop us. Don’t be afraid, start, don’t question it, just start. Get it started, but also know what is going to keep you going otherwise you are just going to keep starting.

Often we let the thought of failure hold us back from doing the things that we really want to do and believe in. Why do something you don’t want to do because we can fail at those things too. Why not fail at something we believe in. As Will Smith said it best, fail early, fail often, fail forward.

Get started and keep moving. Don’t be afraid to fail.