Morning Tea

Here I am a day later, at work, running my hands through my hair looking out the window as if I am stressed with overloads of work, but in reality it's just because I am not too sure if I should really be writing at work. I guess the reality is that I am on my 'morning tea' break so this is acceptable. Then again, I completely created my own tea break, it's not like it's in my contract 'Daily Tea Break 11.00am - 11.15am'. I guess that's the beauty of my job, that I have the freedom to create my own breaks when I want to and can afford to.

I really do believe I'll be more productive after writing this anyway so in that sense this post is benefitting the ASB Sports Centre. You're welcome job.

Last night, I was actually so excited about writing my first blog I just wanted to continuously keep typing, but I knew it was getting late and I should go to bed. So instead of staying up typing until 1.00am, I just laid in bed thinking about writing until 1.00am. Productive right? I guess it was good in the sense that I was able to fall asleep by 1.00am compared to stopping writing at 1.00am and then it would've took another hour to wind down and officially fall asleep. What does that even mean though 'officially' fall asleep. What does 'unofficially' falling asleep look like?! I can't say I have ever woke up and been like 'yeah I was unofficially asleep,' don't count that sleep time, let me retry that. Is that even a common saying? 'Officially asleep'. I guess maybe that's my competitive nature and always needing results. I'm not really sure, kinda weird and I can't be bothered thinking about that concept any longer. Feel free to let me know if you ever 'officially' fall asleep though, I would like to know.

It also crossed my mind as to why I didn't do this as my 30 day challenge. Why the heck did I pick to post a picture of 'raw footage' of my life. That's just not appealing to me. Maybe it's because do I really want people to see this five head of mine everyday for 30 days? Eh, probably not. Let's be real, I'm on day 21 and it's been over 30 days. I would say it's a fail, but at least I'm sticking it out until the end so I'm proud of myself for that.

Completely changing directions. We have some tenants upstairs that have an office dog, aka my boyfriend Pepa, and he just decided to come into the office with a stick in his mouth and completely destroyed it in front of my desk. I found it kinda cute because I felt like he wanted me to know how much of a man he is and show off his jaw strength. It makes me think though how often do we do this as people? I don't think it is actually a good thing. Why must we destroy things to show off our power? In this day and age, especially at the high school level, it is all about who can win a fight or verbally abuse one another the best. Why do we encourage these things or compliment the person, encouraging these behaviours? Too often than not we are like 'oh yeah bro you totally told him, tell him to see you in the hands, he wouldn't dare cross you'. Why is this the way he handle conflict? It's terrible.

It brings me to the point that I was thinking about last night. Isn't it crazy how we put things into categories based off of what society tells us to deem as 'good' or 'bad'. What I am talking about specifically is how apparently I am 'good' at volleyball so yah know since I am 'good' I got rewarded with a scholarship to play volleyball. That means I don't have to work the rest of my life paying of student loans and got to enjoy a lot of things most people in college don't get to enjoy. That's if they can even afford to go to college. Why am I deemed 'good' because I can keep a ball from touching the ground. Quite frankly I find 'good' volleyball boring to watch as you are just waiting for someone to make a mistake. If you have ever watched people that aren't as 'good' play volleyball, they are A LOT more entertaining. Hmm, kinda makes me think though. Do I find it entertaining because it is genuinely fun to watch and you don't know what to expect next or do I find it entertaining because I am subconsciously laughing at their lack of skill. I would like to think it is because I find it truly enjoyable to watch, but I am not too sure at this point. Either way, if people can pay me to play 'good' volleyball and people would come watch, why can't we pay people that aren't as 'good' because they are providing just as much entertainment if not more than I am. Why does the definition of 'good' even have to exists? Why must we judge and compare ourselves. Recently, (I totally forgot about where I heard this) but someone or something was talking about how we are never satisfied with our lives because we will set a goal or have something in our mind that we want to achieve and once we achieve it, we change the goal and make it even harder making us forget about the small successes we did have. I took a course on resilency and the instructor mentioned how our brain is like velcro to negative thoughts, but basically a slide to all of the positives. A thousand good things could happen to us in a day, but we are only going to focus on that one thing that went wrong. That's so terrible. I've been challenging myself to hold on to the positives and to try to remember at least 3 good things that I am grateful for so that I can change my mindset in a more positive way.

It's simple things we can do that change our perspective a bit. Kinda like the other day I went to lock up my bike at a bike rack and there was a guy behind me. While he was turning around he almost ran into my bike and I heard him mumble something that in my head for a second I thought it was him swearing at me because let's be real, it's me, I probably did come on in right behind him and should have gave him a little bit more room to walk. Then I took a deep breathe, took a look over at him and convinced myself that I thought he was talking on the phone. I'm not even sure he was on the phone, but I told myself he was so then I didn't care about what he said because he was talking to someone else. I can't say that I would've had that reaction naturally had I not been working on myself and thinking in a more positive light. It would've been easy for me to get all grumpy and say how rude he was and other things that go on in my head seeing how I am not a morning person and did not want to be going to the course I was headed to for the day, but I changed the context and perception of the situation to where I was totally fine.

Crazy how life is happening. It really is bizarre. Travelling has certainly broadened my horizons and think in ways that I never have before. Sometimes it's scary, but it's mostly enlightening. I enjoy my life and I'm really grateful for the life that I have been living.

Screw what people say about if you are 'good' or 'bad' at something. Those things don't exist. We can all do anything and everything. We are awesome humans. Interact with one another, learn someone else's story, challenge yourself, then again it's your life if you want to sit at home and watch Netflix all day eating chocolate that's sweet as well. Own the day.

Until next time... (but what is time? Just a measure if when we should get things done? An indicator that helps us plan our day? Hm..)