'Add an Engaging Title'

I'm not even sure this is working, but I'll give it a go. Is it weird that I am kinda talking to myself right now? Like literally just writing the words that come out of my head. Hmm, I don't know. I kinda like it. It's weird in a way that now I can visually see what I am thinking. It's like looking at my own brain in a way. Just to think this only took my maybe 30 seconds to type and I already have this many jumbled up thoughts. No wonder I am so exhausted at night. If it took my less than a minute to do this, just imagine what damage I must do in 24 hours. Woah mind blown.. but not really. I'm trying to think of how many thoughts I must actually think of in a single day. I could do all of the mathematics... eww hold it right there. Why the heck did I type mathematics as if I'd actually say that. It's freaking math, just math, no ematics to it. Anyways, I could do all the math but do I really want to do that? Eh probably not. Who am I kidding? Definitely not.

I've already had to stop a few times to correct my spelling errors and it's really slowing me down. I don't really like it. Makes me stop my train of thought and really focus on spelling right. Perhaps, I'll check if this thing has spell check..

Not now. Too busy, trying to write. Like hello brain, excuse me, just focus for a second.

Cool. Got it.

What I really wanted to talk about tonight is how I need to focus on loving and cherishing my own memories. Yeah, it's cool to share them with other people, but other people don't care. Not because they don't want to care, but because they weren't there with you to experience the event with you. If they can't relate to it, why bother caring about it. Maybe it makes people jealous a bit because they want to make those kind of memories with you? Maybe it makes them annoyed because you always want to talk about yourself and so they think you're self centered. Maybe it makes them sad because they feel like they don't have as cool as memories as you. Or maybe they don't care because you're not even friends but you think you are (that'd be sad). I hope you people know who your friends are or who they aren't... don't waste your time. If you have to think about it, they're not your friends. Boom! Problem solved. You're welcome.

I really am quite a thinker. I love thinking about my memories and all of my old friends. Maybe I'm using the word 'friends' too loosely because I am talking about people that I only talked to in gym class or only smiled and cracked jokes with them a few times. People I haven't talked to in years because we weren't really friends, but I noticed their presence when I was around them and now I'm not around them anymore and I miss it. Isn't it so weird to think that there's a handful of people that you've spent 15 years of your life going to school with, you weren't friends, but you actually completely and fully watched this person grow up since before they even knew the alphabet to then getting into college or going straight into the workforce. How can we not cherish these people? I spent 15 years of my life knowing you, but just watching. Not caring about who you are, but always being there to see you fail your test, hit puberty, get your first girlfriend, drive your car, all of these huge things that happen in your life yet we don't even interact. It's like I knew all of these people and now they are all gone.

What happened to my friend that was a trouble maker in elementary school that no one else talked to and he would always run into the woods at recess and the teachers would have to chase after them? What happened to the girl that use to always fight with my friend? What happened to the kid I use to always pick on, but didn't realize I was actually hurting his feelings? What happened to my first crush? Where is he now? What happened to kid who had a tattoo and ear piercings in 8th grade? Where did all of these people go?

Every so often I want to post random as old pictures of me and people that I don't even talk to any more because I miss them and I miss those memories. I really hope they are doing well, but society is so screwed up that I haven't because I'm like ew that's just weird. What if someone did that to me? Would I like it? Then I'm like, hell yeah I would love it. I would love to know I made an impact on someone's life. I would love to know that someone still thinks about me years later even if we did play a small role in each other's lives.

It's hard not to be a bit scared about other people's reactions as they won't all react the same. I've reached out to people several times and either don't get a response back or people believe I have the wrong intentions. I can't help but to let people know if I care about them. Even if they take it the wrong way, not everyone will and I think everyone deserves the right to know when someone if thinking about them. Could you imagine what the world would be like if we all just said screw what society has made us believe and just tell people that we thought of them, or miss them, or cared about them. People would be so happy to feel that type of love, instead we put on this hard shell like we can't have feelings or emotions and just keep our thoughts to ourselves. It really kills me because I know there's a lot of love out there in this world, but not enough people feel it.

This makes me want to talk about social media, but I shouldn't go there tonight. Not because I don't want to but because I feel like I should go to bed and I am making more spelling errors so I need to stop before it takes me forever to correct. Hopefully, I feel like writing again soon. I'm sure I will, I just don't always feel the value in it. Tonight.. Idk where I was going with that. I was thinking really hard and everything. No clue how I am going to end this thing in a meaningful way. Guess I'll just continue to do things out of the ordinary and not end this sentence in a period

Cool. Done. Perfect.